Like so many who have suffered a loss, I spend months trying to figure out why. Rebecca was a challenge from the day she was born. I spent months at her bedside in the hospital, hoping for answers. I watched every doctor and nurse like a hawk. I learned how to do the majority of her specialized care myself. I researched every condition and asked questions that even surprised and stumped the doctors. One day, after assisting with putting a breathing tube in my own child, I had a doctor asking if I truly was this childs mother. She was quite shocked at my knowledge and strength to remain standing on my two feet while participating in medical procedures on my child. To be honest, I was quite shocked with myself. Shocked that I didn't get light-headed, weak in the knees and hit the floor like I normally would have. Then I realized that all my strength was coming from her. I have realized that my daughter has taught me a lot and provides me with so much strength. I have felt that Rebecca was trying to show me that nursing was what I needed to do in life.
In January I started my first of four semesters of nursing school. There were many times this semester where I felt her, giving me the strength to continue. Like the first time I ever gave a patient a shot. I was so nervous and scared that I might pass out. I took a deep breath and all of the sudden I felt calm and confident. I gave the shot and I never broke a sweat. Then there were the hard test questions, where I stared for minutes hoping the answer would just jump out at me, and then it did! This week was the end of my first semester. I took final exams and got A's in both of my nursing classes. I know that my little Angel has been there helping me and giving me the strength that I needed. Thanks little Angel, mommy is so proud of you and I hope you're proud of mommy too!!
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