Halfway There

I just finished my second semester of nursing school, with an "A" I might add! This really seemed like the longest semester ever. I finally think I see a light at the end of the tunnel, although it seems pinpoint small. I am thankful for wonderful instructors who have taken the time to instill their knowledge and experience upon myself and fellow classmates. I am thankful to have found a group of friends that I hope will become friends for a lifetime. Finally, I look forward to December 2010, when I will graduate from nursing school and make my family and little angel proud of me!

Maybe now I can take a few minutes to get back to the Angels!

Mission Accomplished

As soon as school ended, I started on my long list of to-do's for the summer. Project one, was to give my kitchen a makeover. Not the kind that you see on DIY or HGTV, because who in this economy has that kind of money to spend. Not me anyways. I did want to get rid of the hideous striped cabinets, that have plagued me since they day we moved in. Mind you, I have had to live with these cabinets for 3 years, since I lacked the time and funding to take on this large project. Six weeks later, I have a kitchen that I can live with.

Before



After

Thanks to My Angel

Like so many who have suffered a loss, I spend months trying to figure out why. Rebecca was a challenge from the day she was born. I spent months at her bedside in the hospital, hoping for answers. I watched every doctor and nurse like a hawk. I learned how to do the majority of her specialized care myself. I researched every condition and asked questions that even surprised and stumped the doctors. One day, after assisting with putting a breathing tube in my own child, I had a doctor asking if I truly was this childs mother. She was quite shocked at my knowledge and strength to remain standing on my two feet while participating in medical procedures on my child. To be honest, I was quite shocked with myself. Shocked that I didn't get light-headed, weak in the knees and hit the floor like I normally would have. Then I realized that all my strength was coming from her. I have realized that my daughter has taught me a lot and provides me with so much strength. I have felt that Rebecca was trying to show me that nursing was what I needed to do in life.

In January I started my first of four semesters of nursing school. There were many times this semester where I felt her, giving me the strength to continue. Like the first time I ever gave a patient a shot. I was so nervous and scared that I might pass out. I took a deep breath and all of the sudden I felt calm and confident. I gave the shot and I never broke a sweat. Then there were the hard test questions, where I stared for minutes hoping the answer would just jump out at me, and then it did! This week was the end of my first semester. I took final exams and got A's in both of my nursing classes. I know that my little Angel has been there helping me and giving me the strength that I needed. Thanks little Angel, mommy is so proud of you and I hope you're proud of mommy too!!

Little Lovies!

When my children were still tiny patients in the NICU I took tons of pictures. I particularly remember the pictures of their tiny bodies next to something large, for comparison, like a teddy bear or my hand. Looking back at those pictures, I marvel at their once tiny frame and how far they have come, yet I felt sorrow. Sorrow, in that anything placed near these babies was huge and I cannot imagine being comforted by something so monstrous. I have spent months searching for and testing patterns for tiny lovies to give to these angels. Here is the first of my attempts. These little lovies fit in the palm of your hand. I hope to one day be able to provide one to each baby staying in the NICU.

Of course, I still need to put a face on it, but you get the point!

Blankets

I don't know how I am able to follow a pattern and make gowns, yet I cannot make an evenly square blanket. Every attempt at crocheting blankets has ended with them looking crooked, uneven or triangle shaped. I have been inspired by a fellow blogging crafter to take fleece and crochet a border. Unlike her, I don't have the edgerydoo, so I improvised. I found fleece blankets at the dollar store that already have the holes punched around the edge. I simply count the holes and crochet the border. I am still working out a few kinks but here are the first couple attempts. These will go to Johnston-Willis NICU.

For the Tiniest!

Some babies are, unfortunately, born very tiny. Too tiny to be able to fit in the gowns I typically make. These wraps were made from a donated wedding dress. The tiny matching hats fit a lemon.

Baby Adean

These were the items given to Baby Adean and his family. I hope his family can find some comfort in the following days and months. My heart and prayers go out to them.

Blessings in Disguise

Have you ever thought to yourself, "why did I do that? Why did I go this way? Why didn't I do that? or I really should have done this." Then seconds, minutes, hours or even days later have your question answered in a way you never thought. Your mistake kept you safe by avoiding an accident that occurred on the street you should have been on. Somehow your mistake turned out to not be a mistake but blessing in disguise. I had one of those yesterday.

For a couple weeks I have had 2 boxes of items waiting to be delivered to the NICU at my local hospital. I kept putting off making the trip because....well...I really have no good excuse other than simple procrastination. I now have a better answer....

Yesterday afternoon, my doorbell rang. I open the door to find an old neighbor and her son standing there. After greeting each other, the lady said she needed to talk to me and that she needed my help. I asked if everything was okay, to which she responded "well, no". I let them in and asked what I could do. She explained that her son and his girlfriend had lost their baby. He was born at about 24 weeks, weighing 1 pound 1 ounce and was 11 inches long. He was born and died minutes later, unable to take his first breaths. My heart sank. I knew too well what they were going through and feeling. She said she knew I made clothing for preemies and asked if she could pay me to make something to fit her tiny grandson. I rose to my feet, located the boxes in the dining room, and removed the only 2 gowns I had small enough to fit. I offered them the two outfits I had and even offered to make one if they preferred different colors than what I had on hand. The young man selected a blue gown with a baseball applique and a matching blue baseball cap. I then pulled a couple blankets from my box and offered those to him. I asked what, if anything, the hospital was able to provide them for his son. He responded that his son was wrapped in a blanket with a hat that was too large, and they left the hospital with his things in a purple memory box. I wanted to be able to hand them an appropriate memory box, however, I had no boy boxes completed in this delivery. I offered to personalize them a memory box to match the sports themed outfit daddy had picked for his son. They accepted, stating anything I could do would be greatly appreciated. As they were leaving, again the lady attempted to pay me for the items they were carrying home, to which I refused. I somberly remarked, "This is from my Angel to yours. I'm sorry for your loss."

Sometimes we kick ourselves for making mistakes or in my case putting off something for later. This is proof that things happen for a reason, things are not mere coincidences but rather guidance from a higher being. I'm honored this family came to me and I was able to help them leave no so empty-handed.

Hiatus Over!

I have not blogged in forever! For the last few months I have been extremely busy with life. Sick kids, crazy work schedules, leaking roof, holidays and school. Why is it that when life happens, the things closest to your heart get put on the back burner? While I have still been crafting for the Angels, it has been at a much slower pace. I have been crocheting sitting in doctors offices, while working or maybe 30 minutes before bed. An outfit that would normally take me 4 hours to make has turned into 4 weeks.

I had 3 New Year's resolutions: organize my house, start nursing school and get back to blogging, oh and maybe exercise. I have managed to accomplish all 3!! And stepped on the treadmill twice! haha

So my promise to myself and my Angels is to write about every and any accomplishment, no matter how small or insignificant. I have put off writing before because I thought I really didn't have anything important to say or show, nor did I think anyone really looked at my blog. Blogging started off as a way to encourage and motivate myself to continue with the work that is so close to my heart, and I had lost sight of that. Thanks Debbie for the reminder!

My first sewn gown!!!

I finally finished my first sewn burial gown from a wedding dress. It took me forever. I have never sewn anything other than pillows before and the pattern alone was a lot of work. My biggest challenge was the sleeves since they were gathered and attached separately. I absolutely love this dress but I don't think I will do another one quite like this. I hope that eventually I get faster at making these gowns, as a month for one dress is too long in my opinion. Anyways here she is, and I really hope that some family can find comfort in their little one getting to wear this. Thanks again to the wonderful ladies who donated their dress to the Angels!!

My next goal

My next goal is to make another delivery to JW Hospital the first week in August. It is my hope to be able to make a delivery at least every month to catch up their shortages and keep items available for every child that needs it. Over the weekend, I finished 1 complete gown set and a burial wrap. I also finished 3 more gowns, all of which now need hats and booties to match. I have 1 more gown needing a couple more inches and a lining to be complete. I did not have time this weekend to finish the gown sewn from the wedding dress. I am dying to share pictures, as this dress is gorgeous. I did manage to cut apart the 2nd wedding gown, while I was working Saturday morning. I would like to be able to paint a couple memory boxes to deliver also, but I will have to see if time permits. My school work and final exams are competing, for time, with my love for the angels.

The work begins!

So I nervously started dismantling the beautiful ivory wedding gown last week. It took me about 2 days to get the bodice removed, the crinoline skirt removed and the main skirt opened up flat. Over the weekend, with the help of my mother-in-law, I cut out my first pieces and started sewing. Before I left Sunday evening, I had the lining attached and the neck and sleeves sewn. While I am excited about what I am doing, I didn't realize it took this much work. I thought I could have a gown done in maybe a day. Hopefully as I get the hang of it, things will move faster. Here is me working hard.

Christmas in July

What was I thinking? So I recently agreed to accept donated wedding gowns and turn them into gowns and other items for preemies. The last time I attempted to sew anything was about 20 years ago, sewing a pillow on my grandmothers sewing machine. I have been wanting to learn to sew for a couple years and my wonderful hubby bought me a nice sewing machine for Christmas 2007. I have taken it out of the box and used it a couple times to make little skirt linings for my crocheted burial gowns. But nothing like making clothing for people to wear. Another volunteer in Virginia had a couple gowns she wanted to get rid of, so I offered to take them off her hands. For two weeks now I have been worried sick that I would receive some off the wall, antique, weird colored or lacy wedding gown that I would have no idea what to do with. I have seen pictures of some of the gowns people donate, while I'm sure they thought they were beautiful and they may hold sentimental value, what were they thinking? Did they actually wear that in public?

So yesterday, my long awaited package arrives. Like a child at Christmas I wanted to tear into the box, but fear and the darn packing tape prevented me from doing so. After stealing my husbands pocket knife, trying to figure out how to open the thing, and sawing for about 30 minutes, the box opens. Part of my fears came true. The first dress is about 10 years old, has poofy shoulders and long lacy sleeves. The whole back is see-thru lace with a giant bow on the butt. The satin fabric is beautiful but the lace is going to be a challenge. The second gown is a breathtaking ivory strapless gown with silver and gold beading. It has a long train and about 100 buttons down the back. I hung the dresses up in my living room, as I had to fill out paperwork to submit to my charity organization. As I sat there filling out the forms and taking pictures, my husband sleepily walks into the living room from his nap. He looks back and forth from the gowns to me, then with a puzzled look asks "Did I miss something? Are you getting married again?" I laughed and continued with my work.

Although beautiful, I am now too nervous to even think about cutting up and dismantling these gowns. I just have to keep reminding myself that this beautiful gown will bless many families who would otherwise have no clothing to fit their tiny angel. More importantly I think of the parents who will never see their daughters walk down the isle to get married, but may have some comfort in seeing their angel wear their own tiny gown made from a wedding dress. Thanks to all the women who choose to let go of something so sentimental so that comfort may be brought to the angels and their families. God Bless you!

1st Delivery

I have never felt a sense of accomplishment, outside of my children, like Friday July 4th. At 4:30pm I picked up the phone outside the NICU at Johnston-Willis Hospital and announced I was making a delivery. The door opened, I walked proudly into the room carrying 2 Ukrops bags full of goodies. The bereavement coordinator met me at the door, so happy to see me you would have thought it was Christmas. My original intention was to leave the bags on the table, wave and leave, partially because the NICU was very busy and mostly because my family was impatiently waiting outside in the car. However, the nurse eagerly peeked inside the bags to inspect their contents. Four memory boxes, three preemie hats, and four preemie outfits including gown, hat, booties and a small keepsake angel. The nurse thanked me for the much needed items and we spent the next few minutes catching up and chatting about our dedication to the angels. I walked out of the hospital giddy and so blessed to be able to bring comfort to the tiniest angels and their families. I am still on this high, even though it has been four days, and I can't wait to make my next delivery. God, please give me strength to contain myself and get to workin!!

The Beginning

For 2 years now I have been searching for ways to remember and honor my sweet Angel Rebecca. Rebecca grew her wings on April 5, 2006. She blessed our family for six short months, but left us with a lifetime of memories and lessons learned. Rebecca spent 5 months of her life in the NICU, cared for by special doctors and nurses, who treated her like their own. Rebecca was not their only child, the NICU remains full of babies just like her. Born too early, too small, too weak and too sick to leave the confines of an incubator, much less leave the hospital in the arms of their mother. Unfortunately not all of these babies win the fight for life and freedom. This is where I come in.

I recently found a group called Heavenly Angels in Need (HAIN). Its a non-profit group of volunteers who hand crafts items of warmth, comfort and memorial for the angels and their families. It is our hope to help families one angel at a time, by providing burial garments and memorial items after the passing of these tiny angels. It is my hope that no angel leaves this world without warm clothes that fit and no parent leaves the hospital without knowing that their child was special. I have chosen Johnston-Willis Hospital's NICU as the recipient of all my donations, as they have cared for all 3 of my children. My goal for this year is to provide every angel with an outfit as beautiful as they are, and every parent with a box of memories to carry home instead of empty arms. I hope that what my Angel has given me the strength to do will provide some comfort and strength to parents walking the same path as myself and many others. Rebecca, this is for you princess!